svca » Sat Feb 06, 2016 1:13 pm wrote:I think it's actually healthier to cry and bitch and scream...lets it out, so the healing process can begin.
I look at my Dad, he just lost his sister a couple of months ago to ovarian cancer; he lost his brother a couple of years ago to prostate cancer, and yet I've never, ever seen him cry....even though I know he's hurting. He just wasn't raised that way. He would never admit to hurting inside, he would never just sit and talk about them.
Scream and bitch away....we're here for you, we love you and understand and we all hate cancer
![cry blow nose ::cryblownose::](./images/smilies/046_cryblownose.gif)
It may be healthier to let it out... but as a parent, it's a fine line you need to walk...
When my husband passed away, my boys were 19 and 21. I had to be strong... In reality, all I wanted to do is crawl into that grave and lie down with my husband but I would NEVER have told my kids or my friends that... I got a notebook and wrote all the awful stuff I felt.... I was pissed at my hubby for leaving me so soon, for leaving me to take care of the boys, the house, the dog, the cars... I actually was so pissed that some of those entries in that notebook actually tore the pages... literally! I was pressing so hard that my pen went right through the pages.... I wanted to die but wouldn't commit suicide because I didn't want to leave THAT burden on my kids, but I prayed... Oh, Lord! Did I pray that God would take me... hit me by a bus... take a bad fall... heart attack... ANYTHING that would bring me back to my hubby....
A few months after his death, I found an online support group... first time ever I knew such things existed on the internet... There, I could rail against God, life, fairness... and I was safe... Those people would never actually 'touch my real life', so I was free to say whatever I wanted.
I'm off in a few hours to the wake for my friend.... I'll spend 4 hours with the 'group' and we'll reminisce about Nick and laugh and cry together... I don't even know what I want to say anymore...
![crying ::crying::](./images/smilies/043_crying.gif)