Druncass' date='Sep 15th 2010, 8:24 PM
Sorry. This is long.
Adam’s Right Testicle And Some Other Stuff Happened
(a recap of my trip to NOLA)
We decided to take the train down from Milwaukee. “It’ll be an adventure,” I had said. Oh, it is. It’s a gd sea of humanity. And when you only have 4 days to hit up New Orleans, don’t spend two of them on a train. That being said, it’s a fun time if you’ve got time.
We got off the train, swimming in humidity and 19 hours of train funk to wash off. We found our hotel, washed our bits, and found a restaurant and a few beers.. We miiiiight have had a bottle of Bacardi Limon for lunch, so we made our way back to the hotel to nap before we went out drinking.(yeah, you read that right) We woke up at 1:30 in the effing morning. I was grumpy pants, but Aron forced me to go out. Which I’m glad about. We cruised down Bourbon Street, and like the train, I have now experienced it, and have no desire to do so again. It was a hot effing mess.
We did, however, make our way to Gaysville, where we found a bar more our speed. You know.. The dark and dingy kind with the adorable bartender. His name was Brett. From Baton Rouge. Turns out he went to college with Drake. He asked us what we were doing there. For whatever reason, I still blush every time I mention Adam’s name for the first time to a stranger. Like a schoolgirl. Brett says, “Whaaat? Who’s that? I’ve never heard of him. (winks, then points up the street.) “The after party is at Oz over there.. I love him.” “Do you? Because I have two extra tickets..” Sold. We boozed there for a few hours… (Okay, six hours. Don't judge me.) Then went to get some shut eye.
AdamdayAdamdayAdamday.
We woke up around noon. Had a delicious brunch in the hotel. Then got ready for bayoulady to come pick us up. Who is an adorable and spunky little thing, and I loved it. She took us to the hotel where all of the.. Glam.. Ugh. Adam people were waiting. Including Vista (Wheeeeeee!) and Tennislover(this is a woman after my own heart. Girl loves her vodka) and Frank. I met Sandyrk, too! Thesy were all lovely. We were definitely sitting at the cool table. I’m sad I didn’t take more pictures. I have one. And it’s awkward. Marsha’s on the phone, and I look like some sort of silverback gorilla looming over her. I might post it anyway. We’ll see.
Oh, and favorite Marsha quote, “Damn! I got glitter on my Fendi!” I’ve been laughing about it since.
Brett met us at the restaurant when everyone was leaving. With his mom. Dammit, Brett! We need more pretty boys, not more moms! (she was very sweet and I liked her a lot) He was wearing cute flare jeans that were laced up on the sides. Adorbs. I wanted to put him in my pocket. The two of them hadn’t eaten yet and wanted to go elsewhere, so we bid the ladies adieu, and Aron and I went to a second dinner.
Side note: We were getting out of the car at the venue, when I turned around and came face-to-face with Brett’s satiny Jagermeister thong.. Whipped around to Aron and said “Are you getting this?” “Oh, it’s been noted.” Hilarious.
We arrived at the concert while Ali was playing, got a couple drinks, and split up to go to our respective seats. We didn’t have to sit in them, you could walk right up to the stage. (visions of sugar plums getting thrown up all over my tanktop danced in my head)
Tennislover, Vista and I powwow’d about getting Brett and his mom up to the front, and because no one was sitting in their seats, it was super easy. Way to go guys! When I went to go give Brett the tickets, two teenagers in front of us turned around and said “Are you scouting?” Oh, girls, I scouted this one out the night before.
Show. Awesome. Obvi.
Adam looked me in my eyeballs a gazillion times. (Probably wondering why I was so far away, cuz he wanted to make out with me, and didn’t know how to go about it.)
I didn’t throw up. Aces.
Here’s where the testicle comes in.
How flipping hard is it to keep your eyes on the face of an angel, when there’s a devil in his pants? (I tried. I really did.) And then I didn’t. I was stunned to see the soft outline of his right testicle nestled in a cozy hammock made of leather and sin. I could not tear my eyes off of it. Mouth agape, my eyes traveled upwards, and met Adam’s. GOD BLESS IT. I made some sort of gesture(spaz attack) and pretended to be clapping. Fail. Super busted.
Near the end, Brett leaned over to me and asked.. “So, Adam Lambert.. Top or bottom?” “Top, baby. He’s a top. (usually)” You should have seen the gleam in that kid’s eye. I think he licked his lips a little bit. Haven’t we all?
After the show we went back to the hotel to freshen up, and so Brett could politely ditch us. Freshened. Reapplied. We made our way downstairs.
Adam’s bus pulled up right in front of our faces.
Panicpanicpanicpanic. Wiggingwiggingwigging. Playitcool,man.Play.It.Cool.
I asked the door guy to call us a cab. We stepped to the side. I didn’t really want to be associated with the weirds (sorry if that was you) who followed him to the hotel. He got off the bus, and I super coolly gawked at him while smoking my super cool free Marb Light 100. I hear it’s totally hip to smoke these days. He gave everyone a “Hey, guys.” The 10 or so people standing there asked for pictures with no reply. One lady said, (sorry if this is you) “Adam, turn around and pose!” Did not like it. My baby is not a monkey, and he does not dance for you. (Well he does.. But he doesn’t. You know what I’m saying.)
We went to the afterparty. (the secret one) I had fantasies about meeting him when he went to the bar to get a drink, and you know, becoming best friends. But they put him in a cage for all the fans to gawk at. Did not like that either. So I don’t have any sort of insider scoop.
I did no cage viewing. But I did take pictures of the ogling.
When he left, we stayed and boozed. I was hitting it pretty hard, and I’m unclear on what time we left.. I for sure hit on one of the not so attractive gay bartenders on the way out. I was convinced even in the morning that he wasn’t “That bad,” much to Aron’s chagrin. Then I found an accidental picture of him in my camera. Vodkeyballs. What can I say? I’ve made out with worse.
We got back to the hotel, staggering in, me with a drink still in hand, and came face to ‘hawk with one of the half nakey boys.
They were all.. “We were waiting for you! Adam thinks you're HELLA fine. Come on, let’s party! Adam gave us a key!” So we went upstairs and made out with Adam super hard while everyone watched.
Jkjkjkjkjkjkjkjk
Nobody watched.
No, seriously. When we saw the ‘hawk, I turned to Aron and said “I am FAR too drunk for this. We’re getting on that elevator.” We did.
Oh, and I only took two pictures at the show. Are these going to be huge? Probably going to be huge. Sorry.
Here's the cage people.